New Year,Old Me

Its Nepali New Year in next couple of hours & im finding it really overwhelming to summarize the whole year in one post & i feel like im at loss for words.I am in the terrace as yesterday,the sun hits the same way it did last year,during the same month.The new year isn't new.It isn't real.It's a way to re-imagine myself.To re-imagine the things I've imagined:to be thinner, to be happier and to be farther along in my career.And while there's still some time for sunset,im anxiously writing in the last few hours of Chaitra 30.

Let me first start off by saying I would not change anything about this past year.Even though there are lots of memories,I want to erase(yes,there are more than few),It made me who I am today & my outlooks.Along with those memories made,there were lots of emotions involved:feeling of uncertainty,feeling of loneliness,feeling of anxiety,feeling of new found independence.This all cummulatively has made me closer to myself & my perception on things & people.

2070 was the second time landing on my full time job & working the 9-6 routine & during busy weekends 9-7.It wasn't as easy as i thought it would be.But at the same time,Its been fun as well.Life doesn't end after college.Especially when you're lucky enough to have best friends to rule this uncharted territory with you.In fact,there was something liberating about this newfound independence.As challenging as working full-time can be,it can be just as fulfilling & paying Big Girl bills yourself is also kind of rewarding—especially when you finally accept that you have no actual concept of personal finance and that that's OK, at least for the time being

I decided to post the photo of this beautiful evening sky i took perhaps the day before yesterday from my terrace.This place's been a little refuge for me for the past half year.I feel my ownself & centered here.Having siblings at home & relatives next door,the privacy & own space idea gets doomed & invaded.Also,if u need a remedy for a broken heart,going up the terrace & watching the sunset helps.

I'm not very good at making resolutions &even the ones I do make are too vague to keep.But there is a kind of resolution I do want to keep this year since whether I want to admit it or not,a lot of this year felt dictated by a number of personal relationships.So for 2072,I want to be the one in command of my own happiness.

So, cheers to 2072!It's a new year,but it's the same me.This time,actively taking control of my own well-being.



                                                                         xx,
                                                                         punam